30/06/2017

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

'It's not you, it's me.' Is something you often hear in movie scenes or books when a couple is breaking up. I've never really given the sentence a second thought. Until it came out of my mouth.
I've never personally broken up with anyone, so this isn't that kind of an story, it's not a story about how a relationship came to an end, it's a story about how a friendship came to an end. 
I've had my fair share of down hills in my life and one of the biggest problems I face in my everyday life is issues with trust and commitement. And I feel that those two qualities are the most important one in all kind of relationships, so when even one of them is missing, the relationship is gonna suffer in some way.
3 I went through a rough patch when I was around 16 and it continued for a very long time, I shut down and did horrible things to my friends through this period of time. Now, I won't be telling you the things I did, but at the time it felt like the whole town knew and I kept getting hate to all my social medias for quite some time because of rumours and, well, a small town. My friends held an intervention for me, if you've seen 'that' episode of How I met Your Mother, it was pretty much like that. And the intervention ended up with me saying 'it's not you, it's me' and that was that for that friendship.

Whenever you feel like your friends are treating you wrong, you feel like everything they do and say is to mess with you, but you've never spoken about it with them. Take a step back, is that really how it is? Could it be you who's the problem? It took me so long to realise that in this case, I was the problem. I let my past memories trick my head into not trusting them, I believed they didn't like me and did not trust me, when it was all just in my head. My friends literally had to trick me to meet them to be able to speak to me about it, and I still had a hard time understanding why they did what they did. This was now quite many years ago, so you know life happened and thankfully to this day these friends are still as close as family to me and I honestly cannot believe how they managed to stay by my side during all of this. To the moon and back. 

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